This is an excerpt from Chapter 5 Believe in Yourself of “Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live: How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life” by Chris Sopa published by Balboa Press. Click here to purchase your copy!
“Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things!”
If I were to ask you if you loved your children, you would more than likely answer with a very rapid “Yes!” Don’t you find it funny that we can so unabashedly love an extension of ourselves but not love our own selves?
When we think of the love we have for our children, we know we love them because of how they make us feel. We would do anything for them, no matter what. We would give up anything for them. Make any sacrifice for them. We want the best for them and do whatever we can to make sure they have the best life possible. You know when they are sick or not feeling well because your “mother/father instincts” tell you so. You know them so well that you know what they need, what their moods mean, and when they are just plain tired or hungry.
Just for one minute, I would like you to be your own parent. Treat yourself as you would that child you love so much. What would you do first for you? What do you need right now?
If you find it hard to answer these questions and to know what to do for yourself, you are lacking self-love. We do not take care of that which we do not love.
If I were to tag one area where almost all of my clients have a similar missing link, it would be in the area of self-love. When I ask them to do a Bucket List of things they want in their lives, I get a list of things they want for their spouses, children, and friends. When I ask them to take some time during the day for themselves, even if it is just for five minutes, I get the guilt response of “I don’t have time” every single time. Funny how when our children need our time we find the time but when we need the time, there is no time. I ask all of my audiences to ask themselves this question: “If you treated your friends like you do yourself and if you said to your friends what you say to yourself, how many friends would you have?” I always get a gasp from the audience at this point. You know the answer.
I have wondered often about how we get to the point where we lose our love for ourselves. We are born with it. We are born with the Divine knowing that we are important, lovable and worthy. What happens? Where does it go?
Over our many years of living, we allow people, things, thoughts, and places to take our power. Every time we allow something into our thoughts that takes away a little piece of us and makes us think we are not important enough to have love in our life, our power has been taken. We know this has happened by how we feel. As soon as you have an interaction with someone or something and it makes you feel “bad,” you know you have lost your power. You could lose your power to a specific person, money, a job, an actual place, a thought pattern…you name it. Every time you allow your power to be taken, you lose a little bit of self-love. Balance is not letting anyone or anything love you more than you love yourself.
Self-love is THE most important thing you need in this life. In order to have self-esteem, which we will discuss later in detail, you need to love yourself first. You cannot hold yourself in esteem until you love yourself. The question becomes, once you lose it, how do you get it back?
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.